“Had an insight into why perhaps I keep having these really fruitless, frustrating fantasies. In a sense, it’s laziness. I have all this energy which I could be putting to some useful use—like writing, for instance—but that’s work and I’m afraid to try it. So I direct to this fantasy. Get into an argument that will take up a lot of time. Then you won’t be able to do anything else. Anger as camouflage.”
Fifty years later, I still have annoying fantasies that involve getting angry with someone about something, either which I have no control over, or some issue that might not even require me to become angry. I wish I’d realized how smart I was back then.
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Anger is a secondary emotion, something triggers it and anger is a force for change.
ReplyDeleteWise you had a sting understanding of anger back then.
if only I'd remembered it all these years.
DeleteI think I do this too. I never really thought about it but I like to ramble in my head. Often thinking about conversations I have had, could, or would have with someone. Not always arguments, but usually.
ReplyDeleteI just read your, "about me" sentence. I wonder about that disorienting feeling you mention there a lot too.
My mother told me once when she was in her 50s that she still felt like a 16-year-old. I feel a bit more grownup, feeling about 30 when I'm now 79. But who knows what that even means.
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