I met with my financial planner today at TIAA. She was
looking through her folder for me and noticed that all the statements there
were from 2012. I said that was probably from when Jack and I had our meeting
with her after our former financial planner at TIAA was promoted.
I then had
a memory flash of Jack sitting in the other chair in our planner’s office, a
memory that felt so solid I could almost see him. The presence of the memory
against the absence of his physical self felt so jarring. Is this what grief
is? The presence of absence, and the absence of presence.
There’s
nothing comforting about this, but I don’t want to lose my connection to the
loss that creates the lack of comfort. Is this morbid? Is it healthy for me?
What does “healthy grieving” mean? Why even think in those terms?
I
so want to talk to Jack about this. We had so many family members die in the
past 10-15 years: his older brother and sister, and his uncle Bill; my mother,
father, and sister. We talked about it, but I doubt I wrote anything based on
our discussions. Our words went into the ether, and Jack has joined them.
Your piece touched me. I too have felt, “a memory that felt so solid I could almost see him” at times when I remember Rob, my husband who died 21 months ago. I think your idea that grief is the presence of absence is powerful. It does feel that way.
ReplyDeleteI am so sorry to hear about your husband, and I hope you are doing okay. I am glad what I wrote touched you. Sharing grief does help.
ReplyDelete