SOLTuesday: Finally, the Colonoscopy

             Two weeks ago I posted about my positive Cologuard test and frustrating effort to get an appointment with a gastroenterologist so I could have a colonoscopy and find out what, if anything, was going on inside of me. Today I had the procedure.

 

The Prep

            If you’re not 50 or older, here’s what prep means. While the New York Times recently reported that it can be done much more easily, Dr. G. prescribed the traditional method, which involves (1) no eating of certain foods like beans, lentils, quinoa, nuts, or seeds for three days before the procedure, (2) no eating AT ALL the day before (that was yesterday), and (3) while you are not eating, you are drinking an entire gallon of yucky tasting, slightly oily liquid that will flow through you stomach and intestines and clean it all out like a squeegee. Oh, you are allowed to have clear broth, soda, Jell-O (which I hate), and Popsicles — the Popsicles I could get behind, and drinking chicken broth did have the slight flavor of food. Also a quantity of ordinary water, which the printed instructions I was given said would make me strong.

            But then you are rushing to the toilet every five minutes and sometimes not quite making it. Or you just spend the whole day sitting on the toilet. Investing in a box of Depends helps if you don’t want to sit on the  toilet all day. And of course, you can’t sleep for fear you will leak into your bed. Shades of toddlerhood!

 

The Procedure

            On the other hand, this was a breeze. Since I was also having an endoscopy, after I got into my hospital gowns and was wheeled into the procedure room, a plastic device was placed in my mouth, so the endoscopy tube could be inserted. “But I can’t swallow” were the last words I spoke before the short-term anesthesia kicked in. The next I was aware of, a nurse was saying I could wake up now, and it was all over. I felt nothing, but was a bit woozy, and a friend met me to accompany me home, where I ate real food.

 

The Report

            I don’t have colon cancer. That’s a relief. And reading Dr. G.’s report was both enlightening and amusing. He found six “sessile polyps,” which the internet informs me are considered to be precancerous, and removed them with “cold bx forceps” (bx is medical for biopsy). But what I liked were all the references to parts of my insides being “unremarkable” — which I suppose is medical for “normal.” Amusing were the photos, and surprising how similar my esophagus and intestine look. Both shiny pink. 

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