7. Self-conscious

Self-conscious

(At the beginning of November, I selected one word for each of the first ten days of the month for NaNoWriMo. I did not think about what day each date was. I did not write this on Day 7. I didn’t write it until Day 11. I will try to catch up over the next few days.)

            Are people Looking at me? What do they think of me? Why do they think that? What can I do to change what they think of me? Can I do anything? Do they think I’m ugly? Do they think I’m a snob? Do they think I smell? Do they think I’m a know-it-all? Why don’t I have any friends? Would I have friends if I didn’t wear glasses? When I give my speech I add tomorrow, will I fart? Will my Kotex pad leak? Will I lose my voice, or start coughing because my throat is too dry?

            Or can being self-conscious ever be positive? Can I be conscious of myself as a positive force for others? Am I being self-conscious when I think of linking people together? Why does self-consciousness always seem to be a fear of what others think or see in me? Wouldn’t that be “other-consciousness”?

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It’s NaNoWriMo Day 7. I will be writing about feelings, because that is what I have the hardest time articulating. One feeling a day.