SOLSC 1: Anger as Camouflage

I’ve got a personal archive: my datebooks back to 1963, my journals starting in mid-1971. I’ve been rereading my journals looking for any interesting “Fifty Years Ago Today” items, but this one, from February 6, 1972, is more interesting to me as a look into my psyche. I had been having a fantasy about having an argument with a man in my therapy group, who I often had actual arguments with. (It’s also worth noting that I don’t easily, then or now, actually get angry with anyone in real life.)

“Had an insight into why perhaps I keep having these really fruitless, frustrating fantasies. In a sense, it’s laziness. I have all this energy which I could be putting to some useful use—like writing, for instance—but that’s work and I’m afraid to try it. So I direct to this fantasy. Get into an argument that will take up a lot of time. Then you won’t be able to do anything else. Anger as camouflage.”

Fifty years later, I still have annoying fantasies that involve getting angry with someone about something, either which I have no control over, or some issue that might not even require me to become angry. I wish I’d realized how smart I was back then.

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I’m participating in the 15th annual Slice of Life Challenge over at Two Writing Teachers. This is day 1 of the 31-day challenge.  It’s not too late to make space for daily writing in a community that is encouraging, enthusiastic, and eager to read what you have to slice about.  Join in!