Tuesday, September 3, 2019

SOLTuesday: Facebook as Therapy


            It’s been more than three and a half years since my husband died, yet I still often find it hard to get out of bed in the morning and get started on my day. A few days ago, I posted this on my Facebook page:
What is my purpose in life? This is not a question I ever think about, it seems to have religious overtones. Yet I think it may have some psychological relevance because I sometimes still have trouble getting out of bed in the morning. Jack is a handy hook to hang my purpose on. When he was alive, perhaps I felt my “purpose” was to live with him, do things we enjoyed together, and do other things separately and report back to each other. Like, my “purpose” was to have another person always available to talk to, to talk at, to bounce off of, even to argue and fight with, and, as time passed, to have a history with. That purpose is gone, and I am still somewhat flailing about, trying to get at “why” I want to do the things I “want” to do. There’s a lot here to unpack.”
            Several friends helpfully gave me the usual suggestions: volunteer, help others, find the projects I couldn’t do when married. Reading them, however, I realized the real underlying problem, something I've been aware of for many years. It's not purpose, it's self-motivation. It's setting my own goals, and then actually, really following through on them. I'm fine at meeting other people's deadlines or needs, but have been lousy at bridging the distance between idea/thought/desire and action. My husband was, in a way, an external goal, which I either met or struggled, often successfully, against. Now, it’s just me. It’s my own motivation. I have to learn how to pay attention to it and to use it. 
-------------------------------------
It’s Slice of Life Tuesday over at Two Writing Teachers. Check out this encouraging and enthusiastic writing community and their slices of life every Tuesday. And add one of your own.
 

2 comments:

  1. What a challenging passage, a journey I do not desire - to lose your husband. I'm so sorry! I'm blown away by your words "my husband was an external goal, which I either met or struggled, often successfully, against." I hope that your writing brings you peace and clarity. Keep writing!! Unpack, through writing. Thank you for this honest and raw post.

    ReplyDelete
  2. I hear your pain in between the words. This year, two close friends passed away and the sense of loss is a reality for their husbands and their friends. Sometimes, I think the passage of time helps with the shifts in mood and lifestyle but I am not sure of that. Writing always seems to help me sort through the different levels of emotions. Paying attention to your self-motivation is a starting point. I am happy to meet you at SOL and hopefully we will have many other exchanges. I wish you well in your pursuits of finding balance.

    ReplyDelete