SOL15: Bereavement

            I am still going to the VNS bereavement group, three-plus years after Jack died. I’m fine, but there is something about being in a group of people who share the same experience—in this case, grief at losing a spouse, partner, or close family member—that is unlike any other relationship.

            The group met this morning, and afterwards I went to lunch with two other members, A., whose husband had Parkinson’s and died after complications after a fall, and C., whose father, mother, and sister (her entire family) all died within the past few years, the mother and sister within four months of each other. A. is close to my age, mid-70s, while C. is around 50.

            During our long lunch and conversation, I related the circumstances around Jack’s death: his fall, complications, hospitalization after edema for unknown reasons, multiple myeloma diagnosis, more complications, and his ultimate decision to stop treatment and go into hospice, dying just five days later.

            As I related the sequence of events, especially my extremely mixed feelings about Jack’s decision, my great reluctance to lose him, yet my understanding that the decision was his to make and that I shouldn’t, couldn’t force him to continue living in a way he couldn’t accept, I started crying. This was such a terrible moment for both of us, and I’ve gone over it so many times since, while Jack, of course, is unable to second-guess himself.

            A. and C. were so comforting and so reassuring, and I knew that they understood my feelings in a way that someone who hasn’t been through this experience can only imagine. This is why I keep going to the bereavement group.

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I’m participating in the 12th annual Slice of Life Challenge over at Two Writing Teachers. This is day 1 of the 31-day challenge.  It’s not too late to make space for daily writing in a community that is encouraging, enthusiastic, and eager to read what you have to slice about.  Join in!